Invisible Emotional Signals of Love

Doctor of Medicine, psychiatrist Nino Okribelashvili talks about the duration, phases and types of love

Every person gets a moment when he starts thinking about what was most important in his life. Every second finds that it was love!

Love is universal, we care and care, we give and give unselfishly, we love and are loved with a sincere heart… Yes, we romantics especially need emotional ascension, sharing daily feelings and experiences with a certain stage of our life companion who is so different from thousands of others. After all, love games start suddenly – sometimes with boundless passion, sometimes with balanced friendship, they invade a monotonous life, and then in the relationship there is a feeling of comfort and a sense of security. If a loved one goes beyond the purpose of your life, there is pain, directly proportional to the greatest happiness and bliss that the feeling has shared with us. There is a feeling that love is dead.

Following a dizzying rhythm of life, we probably forget that love needs to be learned and then cared for, and that we must learn and teach it from the age of puberty. Education begins when we hold hands, paint, repent a little. By preschool, she already knows what parental love is, and she learns the first tricks when she discovers that she can not marry her mother or father. By the age of 6-12 we learn more about the avant-garde of love as life gradually fills with peers we call friends. In adolescence, Bobokar has an immeasurable longing for the opposite sex, and in our dreams, the icon of the first love “experience” appears in the form of a popular singer, actor or teacher. Stepping into the real world is followed by meeting the real heart and common interests, forming a relatively narrow circle of mutual friends and spending some free time together… The first sexual contacts are usually short and follow a superficial relationship. Of course, the cultural factor must also be taken into account – a non-Western society with a traditional virginity institution and a different value system, still fails to accept or finds it difficult to adapt to premarital relationships, which in Western civilization lasts an average of 12-14 years. And, if this period is overcome normally, it gives me the greatest experience. Man learns how to choose and attract it second, special; How to express love, share feelings, penetrate the depths of others’ feelings, deal with loneliness, separate so as not to be divided by anger and feelings of self-worth… As a rule, every new love, relationship should be deeper and more realistic, but the exceptions are unfortunately more. Even without this experience, it is very difficult to choose a life partner and maintain a long-term relationship with him, which is why the hormonal marriages of most teenagers end in failure.

Some researchers believe that, in general, love lasts only 4 years, or similar to the stages of human development, he, like a small child, needs time to move from independent walking to jogging and take care of the expansion of the horizon. When the attraction towards the old partner decreases, new passions and relationships appear in search of new excitement…

According to Robert Stenberg, a professor at Yale University, love is characterized by three components: intimacy, which in this context means more empathy, mutual respect, and intimacy, and gradually grows into an emotional-interpersonal relationship similar to friendship; Passion – a suddenly developed sexual desire, which, as a rule, weakens and becomes stable after years; Dedication-Loyalty, which ultimately leads to a fully realized decision to forever connect with the other person in our lives and be by his side in times of trouble and grief.

Scientists’ hysteria over systematization and classification has, of course, also affected the realm of the senses. And so they begin to talk about the “statistically substantiated” varieties of love.

• During romantic love we are always thinking about the person we love, we are mostly jealous, we are sexually attracted to physical data and not the “content” of the partner, we make unrealistic plans, we give absolutely everything, we need constant conviction that we love in return. Such love, unfortunately, is lifeless and dies in a few months.
• Best friend or such love when friendship turns into love. On the one hand, such a relationship is fascinating, it promises us inner peace, comfort, because it does not develop at a dizzying pace, it is built on trust and it is alien to intense passion and a variety of sexual obsessions.
• In unselfish love, fidelity and the noble idea of ​​sacrifice are intertwined. A person in love is gentle, caring, selfless, and takes on the responsibilities of his or her own free will with extreme responsibility.
• In logical love, a person is very careful when choosing a partner. The logical search is long and “time consuming” because we are looking not only for a harmonious personality, but also for common values, long-term interests and goals. This process is especially difficult when we try to fit the physical ideal into the spiritual. Imagine you find a person with similar interests, similar education and religious upbringing, but some specific features of his body do not fit your ideal…
• Love has also become a gamble for many and thus, devoid of a deep and stable emotional feeling. A cheerful, charming partner likes a fireworks date, is always tempting and changeable, but never hides that he is not born for a long-term relationship.
• The feelings of the “owner” are tormented by the object of love. The desire and attempt to control goes to the second, extreme manipulation. He creates his own galaxy like Pygmalion and can even get sick or do a lot of stupid things when he feels the threat of alienation.The depth of emotions, their expression we all have an individual and we can not look like each other like shirts cut on one template. That is why each of us, more or less, chooses one of the above love models, willingly or unwillingly.

  And yet, what kind of love combination is ideal? It seems that on the best principles – friendship and logic, love is built on the longest and most harmonious. It is especially dangerous when a romantic relationship breaks up on a relationship built on the principles of friendship, as the partners reveal their feelings in a totally different register. If a romantic is fascinated by a table set for two only in a candlelight, the “friend” is satisfied with a quiet evening at home, which he will spend reading a book with a loved one. It is difficult for one romantic to satisfy even the fantasies of another romantic: years later, when longing and search diminish, they feel unhappy. Conflict is quite common when a couple forms an “owner” and a “friend”, the first – chaotic, the second – in a fairly simple relationship.

  Finally, it is said that women and men are loved differently. It seems that women have a more frequent and deeper feeling, are euphoric, want to scream, are ready to get married early, love one-sidedly, think that love is a gift and, unlike men, idealize their partner. But, at the same time, distance from a partner is more severe for men. If every second woman needs an average of 20 dates to decide whether she likes it or not, every fourth man in the 4th date is already in love from the beginning.

  And, most importantly, how do we find the right heart? Anthropologist David Given, believes that the invisible signals of love are scattered in the primitive areas of our brain… and as soon as the object of attraction becomes a specific target, facial expressions, be it a smile or a shy look, with special maneuverability – touch, eye Which means: “Come to me – I will not harm you” ახ Yes, despite numerous observations and research, it must be said that we find a partner impulsively, intuitively, and in the following months we wonder why we made such a choice? And we find that we just fell in love…